You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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