they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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