Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
