I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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