When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
