What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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