I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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