The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
