Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You took a bar mat shot.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
