last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
