the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
