well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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