he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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