so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My penis needs a shock collar
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
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