So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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