Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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