the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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