i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
