oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
