2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
