So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
