You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
