At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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