How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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