i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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