I love black thongs
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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