Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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