ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
someone owes me an orgasm
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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