God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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