Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
