my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
