gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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