You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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