i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
