just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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