You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
