Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
