He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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