Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
