I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
