I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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