i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize