If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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