He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
