When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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