Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
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that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
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They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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