I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she smelled like a LAN party
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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