why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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