He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
