Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You're so nebulous sometimes
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
