pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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