You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
