he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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