This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
