I accidentally burped into my bong.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
cat food counts as protein by the way
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
