i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
