She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
