I'll bet she douches with gravy.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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