I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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