so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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