Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
