and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
