i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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