I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
