So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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