I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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